Let's make a second Bible: Noel's Ark

Phone message to you, Noel, on 10th October 2016 (AD):

Hey, Noel, it's Rudolf Jelínek here. God just send me a message on Facebook (I know it's true, because god gave me a vision in my sleep):

Dear Rudolf,

I saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every imagination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil or Facebook continually. And it angered me that I had made man on the earth, and it grieved me at my heart. And I said, I will destroy man whom I have created from the face of the earth; both man, and beast, and the creeping thing, and the fowls of the air; for it angers me that I have made them.

But you and Noel found grace in the eyes of mine:

As I looked upon the Earth, and, beholded, it was corrupt; for all flesh had corrupted it's [sic] way upon the Earth. The end of all flesh is to come before me; for the earth is filled with violence through and through; I shall destroy them with a flood, like I already did it. I shall flood the Earth, sink all ships and malfunction all orbital devices. I also decided I will save you from the flood and warn you, for I think you are very decent and honest people I like your names. Make thee an Ark of whatever you want; rooms shalt thou make in the Ark.

And, behold, I, even I, do bring a flood of waters upon the Earth, to destroy all flesh, wherein is the breath of life, under heaven; and every thing that is in the Earth shall die. But with thee will I establish my covenant; and thou shalt come into the Ark, thou, and thy sons, and thy wife, and thy sons' wives with thee. And of every living thing of all flesh, two of every sort shalt thou bring into the Ark, to keep them alive with thee; they shall be male and female.
Of fowls after their kind, and of cattle after their kind, of every creeping thing of the earth after his kind; two of every sort shall come unto thee, to keep them alive.

And take thou unto thee of all food that is to be eaten, and thou shalt gather it and store it; and it shall be food for you, and for the beasts.

Seven days from now, I will cause it to rain upon the earth for forty days and forty nights; and every living substance that I have made will I destroy from off the face of the earth.
And the waters will prevail upon the earth a hundred and fifty days.

Yours, sincerely,

God

And a few seconds later I got this:

PS. Don't forget to tell Noel, you shall not take anybody else except your close family with you, or you shall die painfully, in corruption.

Long story short (after finding a dictionary), here's a summary:

• We have 7 days to make/obtain a giant boat

• The boat should be able to:

  • Carry a pair of each type of animal (only the most important species - at maximum how much types a zoo has - the largest zoo in the world has 1500 species on 84 acres)

  • Survive 40 days of rain and 150 days on water

  • Have enough food for up to 1500 animal pairs and 2 5-people families

• We should not tell anybody, nor should anybody find out.

• God gave me a check for a few millions (or was it billions? How I hate my dislexia...) of dollars.

I guess we will die a painful death by posting this here, because you, Noel, are not the only one reading this (what about the Stackexchange moderators), but next Monday (Why! Why does it have to be a Monday!) the world will end as we know it.

So, many questions come up, and I don't know how to answer them: Is this technically feasible? Can such a project be achieved? How big should such a ship be, and can we obtain it in a week? Can we do this without anybody noticing?

Footnote: I'm not trying to make fun of Christianity on its behalf here, and I'm a believer too.

posted about 8 years ago

RudolfJelin‭

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